Peter's threefold denial of Jesus is one of the most poignant moments in the Gospels. Three times Peter denies that he even knows his own master. We wonder: How could he do that?Only a few hours prior he had boldly promised, "Lord, I am ready to go with you both to prison and to death" (22:33), and Jesus had warned him that he would deny him three times. Peter knew better; he should have been on his guard.
And yet, in the courtyard of the high priest's house following Jesus' arrest, Peter denies his Lord once, and again, and a third time:
"And immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord, how he had said to him, 'Before the rooster crows today, you will deny me three times.' And he went out and wept bitterly." (22:60-62)
"And the Lord turned and looked at Peter" -- what a terrible moment. What was the Lord's expression? I imagine him like a weary father telling a wayward son, "I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed."
It is the same face of heartbroken love with which Jesus looks on us every time we deny him -- whether through words, when we downplay our faith out of embarrassment, or through actions, when we sin against him for our own self-centered, shortsighted gain.
We should know better.
(Image: Rembrandt, "Peter denies Jesus," 1660)
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St. Ignatious of Loyola pops into my mind at this point. One of his rules in the discernment of spirits is not to make a change in moments of spiritual desolation, especially when we come down from a moment of spiritual consolation. I think we can all imagine how Peter felt when he denied Christ--scared to pieces and so confused as to why his feelings and experience had changed so suddenly. Yet, in spite of our biggest failures, God uses us in the biggest way.
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